Why Am I So Fat?



I have been living out of the country for over 9 months at this point. I have been living on a private island off of Panama, The Highlands of Panama, and now Nicaragua. I have flown 20 times, several bus rides, water taxis, and stayed in 20 hotels and hostels. It’s safe to say, I have been on the move.

When I first moved to the island, I lost 6 pounds the first month!! Wow, talk about 6 pack city!! It was glorious. As time went on the stress began to build. I was away from the comforts of home. It wasn’t like I could hop in my car and go to the one of many trader joes or whole foods. I ended up making unhealthy nutritional decisions. Marry that with stress of a new environment, and you have the marriage of a new unhealthy habit.

  So I did what any women does to lose weight….Everything but what I actually needed to do! I couldn’t figure out why I still had extra weight.

I went out to dinner with a bunch of beautiful yogini friends. All of these ladies could have been on the cover of Yoga Journal. This ofcourse made me feel self-conscious of the extra baggage I was carrying. We all had our dinner. After dinner I stated out loud “I don’t get it!! Why am I So Fat??!” I kid you not, the moment I said that, the waiter placed the brownie a la mode infront of me that I had previously ordered. Oh, did we have a big laugh! Talk about question asked, question answered!

Now, Im not saying that Im not “allowed” to have brownies anymore. I noticed it was not what I was eating and not eating and how my body metabolized the food. Its how I was metabolizing my EMOTIONS. I have stored up feelings and emotions that have not been metabolized yet. So that is where I am starting. Im looking at my life in a whole new way. I can not keep blaming my surroundings for why I look a certain way or feel a certain way. Because guess what, all of these places have one thing in common….ME.

This is not a blog on how to lose weight. But more so a piece of how the answer is right infront of us (cough cough, brownine being placed infront of me) if we are aware and willing  to see it. If you think about it, you ALWAYS know what the right answer is. It really comes down to if you are brave enough to accept the answer. It may not always be easy, but the answers we need, are always there. Weather you are debating about quitting your job, moving out of state, thinking of breaking up with your significant other, you know the right answer.  And if we can release all of the doubts, worries, and fears that uncertainty carries, we will live in a brilliant world. You will begin to see and feel things in a whole new light. That my friend, is worth being honest with your self.