A Journey Of Letting Go..

This morning I thought about what I wanted to write about after my 6 month Hiatus. Since I last wrote, I had opened a yoga studio. Lots of work and focus has gone into building and developing.

So maybe write about that?

Meh, naa

I went a year without alcohol. Just because I felt like it. A great experience, but maybe for another article.

Hmm..what to write..

I met with a friend from church last night and I was sharing about how I'm using a new process for letting go.

Ha Zah! Letting Go! The world could always use another article on one of the toughest things you can do.

It's been a process. I have been working with a couple of different people in different areas. Yoga teachers, friends from church, massage therapists and those who can interrupt dreams.  That is really where my process is beginning, is in my dreams.

I talked with a yoga teacher who also does dream interpretation. She analyzed the dream and told me how each person in the dream represented something that was missing in my life. I went on to tell her that there are things missing in my life and I'm having a hard time coping with my "new" life in the states. And whenever I have a vulnerable moment, or things get stressful, I revert back to my life from a couple of years ago. Where it felt like all the puzzle pieces were in place. She then told me to look at that time and see what it provided me and how I can provide it for myself.

Yikes! Time to get out the journal.

What it provided for me:
Love
Affection
Humor
Someone Caring For Me
Support
Fun

Crap! How am I going to provide these for myself, truly by myself, with no outside resources.

Care: I can take better care of myself with nutrition choices and how I budget my money properly. Treat my body with respect

Fun: I am allowed to go out and have fun! Yes, I have been so work focused, but it's time to get out and have fun! I can make plans to go rock climbing or any other fun things. It may only be once a month, but as long as Im doing it!

Affection: I can give myself affection in my yoga practice. Massage my muscles and in svasana I can rub my temples, eyebrow, and hair line.

Humor: I am funny! I can start to let my humor out and not worry about people thinking I'm off the wall. Let's be honest, Im sharing what is 100% in my journal right now. Why the hell should I care anymore if people think Im weird or don't get my humor!? Im a UNICORN DAMN-IT!

Support: I can support myself by being confident in my decisions.

Love: If I can start to integrate everything listed, I can start to feel more self-love.

I came up with the following Mantra August 2013, and I think it fits perfectly for this process:

"Being Patient And Aware Of The Process."

It's been about 2 weeks since I made this journal entry. I'm telling ya, im feeling pretty good and confident. I can actually say, I feel the process of letting go, starting to begin. 

Tectonic Life Shifting: What happens when your life goes 180 and the 6 things to be aware of and how to keep on moving forward.

As defined by Webster's Dictionary: adjective \tek-ˈtä-nik\

geology : of or relating to changes in the structure of the Earth's surface

: having a large and important effect.

My life has been taking a major tectonic shift in the past year and a half. It all started in April 2012 when I gave my life over to God. My life began to shift and started changing for the better. I was slightly ready, but those around me certainly were not (and are still not).

December 2012 I finally started living my life. I moved to a private island of the Pacific coast of Panama. From there, I moved to the mountain highlands of Panama, went back to school in Costa Rica, and ended up living in Nicaragua.

Wow, oh Wow, what a shift!

Right before I moved I contacted two people I knew that lived abroad. Both gave me the same insight: Be prepared to lose friends. I thought to myself " Yeh right! We will always stay in touch"

Nope.
I've had a long term friend that it has been several months and I have not heard boo from her.

When you start living your life the way you feel that is best for you, things are going to change. Just as in Autumn, the old dead leaves are going to fall off. This will happen. It is a fact. The old must go away to make way for the new. This is how nature takes it's course. I am still shifting and about to take a MAJOR shift. Lots of dead leaves have been falling off my branches. Quiet rapidly too. Understanding that this is natures course, I am becoming armed and ready for what is to come.

1. Ya Gonna Have Haters.

So True!! When I was about to lead my first yoga retreat, I had a fellow yoga teacher tell me it was too expensive (it was $70) and it was too far away (it was an hour away). I had 14 people join me and I am now in my 4th year of running yoga retreats.

People reject what is new and different. They do not understand it. It also highlights in them what they feel they are not brave enough to do. This isn't your fault. Don't let their toxicity ruin your positive stance. Stay strong and just let them keep on hatin'. 

2. Only You Can Believe In You

This is a tough one here. Especially if you are used to having support from outside sources.  But this is the time when it needs to change. Because at the end of the day, you are left with you. YOU need to rise up and become your own cheerleader. Even in your darkest hour, YOU need to be on the sidelines with your pom poms cheering " Go Me Go!"

This is YOUR Life. So it is a solo effort. Learn to stand on your own two feet and build up your strength and confidence. You can do this!

3. Be Consistent and Stay In Your Routine, No Matter What!

This was quiet difficult for me. Living abroad last year I gained weight. I am an emotional eater, so when it got difficult, I ate.  I lost track of my yoga and my fitness. I never stayed in a consistent routine. Now that I am aware of the fact that I live out of a back pack and airports. I plan ahead. Bringing loads of fresh vegetables, protein bars, even running stairs in an airport! This past yoga retreat... I would get up at 5:15a , just so I could get a 20 minute workout in. You can't slack, there is no time for that.

4. Support will pop up out of no where!

You will be surprised how nice people can actually be. Especially when you started your shift and all the sudden you have haters now. Because you have made this shift, you are being your authentic self. This new self will start to attract like minded people. And my friend, there is nothing more glorious on this earth than that of a like minded friend. This person is going to help you soar through the sky! You will be lifted up so high, you will never want to come down. Be thankful for this person. Because like deer, when there is one, there are more.

5. Focus On The New

You may begin to feel sad that your friend of 15 years is not supporting you the way you like or that your cousin stopped emailing you. I know, it's rough. But this is what happens. Sometimes people reject the new and don't know how to handle the new you. You also may not be able to connect with them the same way you used to. This will take time. But be patient with this process. It helps to focus on the new you and your new adventure.

6. Keep Going

Whatever you do, NEVER give up. EVER!! It's going to get rough... there will be choppy waters ahead. If you have ever white rafted before, you know you will hit some pretty big waters. But by the end of the trip, you will float along the river and bask in the warm sunlight.

"Take Pride In How Far You Have Come And Have Faith In How Far You Can Go"- Christian Larson

I hope this will help you as you find your life beginning (or currently) shifting.

You only have ONE Life to live, so go out there and make it a good one! Break down your barrier of fear and see what comes up. You may just surprise yourself!

The Voice of Adventure:

There is a rawness and a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Don't listen to the whines of those who have settled for a second-rate life and want you to do the same so they won't feel guilty. Your goal is not to live long; its to live. The options are clear. On one side there is a voice of safety. You can build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, and stay warm and dry and safe.....Or you can hear the voice of adventure. Instead of building a fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart. Adopt a child. Move overseas. Teach the class. Change careers. Run for office. Make a difference. Sure it's not safe, but what is?

"Those who try to keep their lives will lose them, But those who give up their lives will save them"

Where Is Your Yoga When The Shit Hits The Fan?

Starting this article off by saying, that I am no saint what so ever and I am in no way a "perfect yogini" or a "perfect christian".

With that being said.... What the hell man?!?

Over the past couple of years I have spent A LOT of time with yogis. Some that are blissed out of their minds I need to tug on their balloon string to bring them back down to earth just to have a conversation with them.

But some other yogis.....ehhhhh, it's more like tugging on their dynomate wick.

I am so surprised by the lack of patience, explosive behavior, or negative attitudes some yogis have. Again, just because you teach yoga or practice yoga, does not mean you have been granted the mother Theresa gene.

Some of the benefits we obtain and learn in yoga are:

• Improved Breathing
• Increased Focus
• Better Balance
• Reduced Stress
• Reduced Anxiety
• Decreased Depression

With that being said, Where is your yoga when the shit hits the fan?

We are not using ANY of the techniques that our yoga practice is teaching us. I have a HUGE fear of flying and my one friend said, "Just use your yoga breath"

My response, "Screw yoga breath!"

That's because I was in such a stressed state, I didn't focus on my over 10 years of practicing all over the world. No, I just focused on the "shitty" situation I was in.

But once I got on the plane.. I started to use a drishti technique that actually worked for me!

Remember:

Yoga Chitta Vritti Nirodha

"yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind"

So next time you find your self having to wait for a menu at a resturant, the stop light is too long or someone has displeasing behavior, first acknowledge it with your current emotion, and then use your yogic techniques. Yoga is not about all the fancy gymnastics you can do and all the pretty pictures you can take. Yoga is an all day, everyday, on the mat , off the mat,  practice.

"Your yoga is a refelection of your life and your life is a refelction of your yoga"

-BreaYoga

Journal: One Of The Most Important Things You Can Do In Your Life

I never was the "Dear Diary" type. Once in awhile I would write in my diary. It never really became a regular habit.

Not until I graduated college...

I noticed that putting down my thoughts and ideas was a great way to release anger or secrets I didn't feel like sharing.

As the years have gone by, it has developed into something even more meaningful. It is now my life documented in a book. With all of my traveling, I make it a point to jot down the days events. I have also been carrying around a Travel Journal. To date, It has been to 7 countries with more than 50 passages of people from around the world. People I may have just met for 2 days in a hostel or someone I had a 2 hour flight with.

I have now been encouraging my students to journal. On our Panama Yoga Retreat, I got everyone a journal. It was so great to see everyone taking time out at the end of the day to journal their experience!

And what do you do when you are too tired from surfing, zip lining, or volcano hiking??

Simple

Two Words.

Thats It

Two Words.

You take your days experience and write down the center of the page with just two words to describe the experience.

Here is an entry from my personal journal when I was in Africa:

Nairobi Kenya

Slum Visit

Surf Board

Meet Stephanie

Almond Butter

I Cry

On Bus

Arm Pit

High Five

Lasagna Dinner

Couples Mission

Leading To

Am I

Being Set

Up For

This Path

Relationship Hope

Man Voice

Coyote Pee

Essential Oils.

I know none of that made sense to you, but those quick phrases, brings me right back.

I encourage you to start a journal and maybe even a travel journal.

“For any writer who wants to keep a journal, be alive to everything, not just to what you're feeling, but also to your pets, to flowers, to what you're reading.” 
― May Sarton

That Moment When You Want To Give Up...

How many times have you been in plank and wanted to get out of it, and just give up?

Or how about when you are instructed to "Find a Comfortable Seat" for seated meditation. And all the sudden you need to fix your hair, fix your shirt, or check to see when the last time you had a pedicure.

Those little moments when your body tells you to get out of the pose, is actually a cue to your mind, to get IN to the pose.

We all have these moments, even in life. When we are placed in a position where we are forced to sit and be patient (and then we think of Jack Johnson "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing").

And what do we end up doing??

Crying and complaining because we didn't get the call in time or we didn't get the job we wanted. We just give up.

But as in yoga, there is ALWAYS childs pose. As in life, you can always find a childs pose.

So next time you find yourself writing the next lyrics to Jack Johnson's new song, take it as that physical cue to be patient so the mind can rest.

Remember, at that very point where you want to give up, is the very point where the lesson is to be learned.

A Mountain Of Respect

In the past 3 months I have been to Panama, Costa Rica, Africa, Canada and Vermont. Holy crap that looks crazy in writing! Each country, a different experience, different people, and different emotions.  I just recently got back from Canada/Vermont and that is what I will focus on for this article.

Vermont.

That's when it hit me. I used to live in southern Vermont for a short period of time. The town was Ludlow. Awesome area, right by the Okemo Mountain. This time I was in Stowe for a 2 day visit. I decided to go there after doing my SUP Yoga certification in Canada. YEH I LOVE SUP!! I wanted time to reflect and spend time in nature. I decided to go on a hike. I spent the first day researching and then going to outfitters talking to locals on where to go. Seeing as how I am a solo traveler, hiking by yourself is not the brightest idea. And I didn't want to do anything to hard because, well, IM BY MYSELF!

What do I end up doing... The Hellbrook Trail! Look it up...It's crazy. When I went, it was raining. So there were a lot of muddy spots, creeks to cross, slippery rocks to climb. All this equals scariness for me. Well, at least it used to. When I hiked the trail, I felt like new pathways were being formed in my brain. I had to think in a whole new way that I had not been thinking in a long time. "Put hand here" "Move foot there" "Watch for the edge". These thoughts ran through my mind constantly all while gasping for air in the elevation. But I didn't want to stop! I am a goal orientated person and a long distance runner...so I don't think I would ever stop.

After finishing the climb...it was 3 hours. I came down with a massive grin on my face. And then, the sun came out. Wait, no , that was just an awesome thought I had:

"Brianne, look what you just did, BY YOURSELF!! You are amazing, do you realize you are starting to  overcome your fear of falling? Way to go!"

And that's when it hit me. For the first time in my life, I actually Respected myself. Who knows, I may have prior, but never really acknowledged it. What a feeling it is, to truly respect yourself. Like, I still can't even put the feeling into words how amazing I feel about myself. This is a big deal for me because I come from a place of abuse and low self esteem/confidence. So I literally have a mountain of respect for myself in what I do in life and how I treat myself. Making sure I'm eating properly and keeping up my fitness and yoga.

                   Be Honest And True With Yourself: Do You Really Respect Yourself?

                                                                 R.E.S.P.E.C.T 

                                          FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS, TO YOU

The Start

Still Have No Idea How I Climbed That!

Post Hellbrook Hike at Moss Glenn Falls..Just Getting A Drink Of Water.

I'm Not Good Enough..

I'm a little nervous about posting this article. It will be my most vulnerable piece to date. But for some reason, I feel a call to write it. I believe in being yourself 100% pure and whole all the time. And what Im about to share is an in depth, truly vulnerable, and honest look  into a yoga breakthrough....It may read choppy, I purposely left it that way. This is direct from my personal journal:






This is what I realized in my self practice today. Of maybe why im not advancing in my asana or why I'm not losing weight.
 Why I'm not advancing in asana....I have categorized my self into the "I'm not a good enough yogi" meaning that I haven't spent 5 years in India or I will never be able to do all those crazy poses because of a physical issue or I don't deserve them...im not good enough and I don't know enough about yoga, so those poses are only reserved for those who know all 7 chakras in Sanskrit...so I keep myself back. And maybe that is why I back out of poses because  its like right at the brink and the breaking point where the pose gets to tough I think "I cant do this" "that's not me" I'm Brianne who cant do cool yoga poses.
Or even with the weight, I had been physically  broken down and mentally abused, I feel I'm not good enough to treat myself right or even eat right. Because again, its right at that breaking point that where I start to lose weight this thing clicks in my head "oh no, you need to keep that layer of fat, That's who you are now, you don't deserve to feel comfortable, the only way to deal with pain is to over eat. So go ahead binge on that pizza and cake. "
It only gets me back to where I started. Back into this place that I had been put in after an emotionally abusive relationship. In that relationship I got a physical injury ( from snowboarding, falling on my tailbone I still have nerve issues) and emotional/mental abuse. Two big abusive factors back to back that has me stuck in the "I'm not good enough rut"
And yes, I have grown leaps and bounds since then!! I have lived abroad and in the jungles in Panama and Nicaragua by myself. Traveling through these countries solo without speaking the language, I have and Immense about of Self Esteem and Self Confidence. ...but i notice when I'm beginning to turn a new leaf, I feel a rope tied around my waist connected to the "Tree Trunk" of 2011.

But I must understand that i deserve the best in EVERYTHING. And have a DEEP AND MEANINGFULL Yoga practice. It is a process..and since august 2013, I have created a mantra:
Being Patient and Aware of the Process.
And now is the turning point where I understand that to cut the rope off the 2011 "Tree Trunk" I must find that edge in yoga. Find comfort in the discomfort of a pose. Try those poses that I've always felt are reserved for the cool yogis or the yoga journal models.
And instead of reverting to food for comfort, revert to my yoga practice. And find comfort in whatever discomfort I am feeling that is making my reach for another pound of cake. Because every time I become a witness in those moments of discomfort, I can grow. And that growth will help me to cut that rope of the "Tree Trunk"
So its time to take more challenging yoga class. And find a proper nutrition plan that I can stick to.
Because I Deserve It Dammit!!